First Seattle appointment.

Azlan is 12 days old...we head to Seattle early early Sunday morning. We make it there nice and early for church in Seattle. We stayed with some friends as his first appointment was Monday at 1pm. We get to Seattle Childrens' Hospital...(we had been there for a prenatal appointment during the pregnancy) and check in. Azlan got seen by 6 different members of the Cleft Team. Pediatricians, Nurses, Orthadontist, Plastic Surgeons (3 of them!) etc.

First the 'punch in the gut'...they weigh him. He's 12 days old. Tirzah and Zion and reached and passed their birthweight at 12 days. Azlan...is 7lbs even. Thats 1lb 4oz UNDER his birthweight. Wow that hurt! I felt awful. I was in shock. Its hard to tell if when you are with them all the time. TO me he seemed like he was growing, every single diaper was wet and dirty...all the good signs. But nope, he was losing weight!!! Then the nurse shows me how to feed him using the Haberman feeder. Another punch in the gut...I was doing it 'wrong'. My way, he was working so hard to swallow the milk that he'd tire out and therefore only eat 2oz every three hours. Once again...I didn't have a clue what was normal as I've never bottlefed before. Ok so the nurse does it the right way and he eats 4oz right before my eyes!!!! NICE!!! They were extremely nice about it though and said it was ok...not to worry...he was sure to put on weight quickly now.

Then we see the plastic surgeon and 2 other students with him. That was a little bit overwhelming...they are all looking at my little boy like hes a speciman or something and it was a weird feeling. 2 pediatricians and 3 surgeons are all leaning over him, looking in his mouth. pulling at his lip. feeling his head. I hear them saying "yeah thats severe cleft" "ooooh its pretty wide"
Then the main surgeon turns and talks to us. He says its all 'fixable' and we'll get more info from the orthadontist. Why does 'fixable' not sit well with me? I know it needs to be fixed. I know he needs to have it repaired to talk, to eat properly, to live his life. Yet there's such a huge part of me that doesn't want him 'fixed'. He's perfect and I'm so in love with him just the way he is. I'm already dreading the first surgery and its not for 3more months or so.

The Orthadontist talks to us about the NAM device and whether we are candidates for it or not. The main surgeon is thinking "no" simply b/c its seems to be more effective with bilateral clefts than unilateral (one sided) even though Azlan's is "severe". Its got its cons...its uncomfortable for the baby, it requires weekly trips to Seattle (4hrs each way) for refittings and meanwhile it might not be benefitting him at all. hmmmmm....

For now we decide to go with taping and go from there. That means a piece of surgical tape on his face holding his lip together, closing the gap. WHY? Its trains the muscle (that we all take for granted...the one that allows you to form a circle with your lips and whistle...well his is 'severed' since there is a gap), and it stretches the skin in preparation for nice result after surgery. We really had to squish his little cheeks together to close it, the gap is pretty wide. But we'll do whatever it takes and as the orthadontist said...Azlan didn't flinch...just mama did :)

I love this pic...Zion and Azlan sharing a 'moment'