4 years of fighting for my precious boy. And yesterday I had someone look me in the eye and say "Don't stop fighting. Don't stop. Push harder". Ok. I'm on it.
We had Azlan's Cleft review done in Spokane. What an amazing team. Seriously they are great.
But Speech was my favorite of the day. I almost considered driving to Spokane 3-5 times a week JUST to see HIM for speech. He was my fave speech pathologist's professor!! Now I get it! :) He LOVED Azlan. Said I need him in therapy 4-5 hours a week and this is my little window of making up lost time. 4-5 years old is so critical he told me. He said if he hears 20 decibels in that ear, give him a hearing aide...and an FM system (mic hooked up to me and speaker in Azlan's ear so he always hears me perfectly). He came close and said "Janice, YOU are his advocate, don't take anything from any professional, FIGHT FOR HIM". Oh I'm on it. He gave me his personal number and told me to call him anytime.
We did the dentist, the orthadontist team as well. They loved the spacing of his lower teeth but his upper jaw has issues. Issues like...well his palate is too small and his Hemifacial Microsomia is seen in his upper jaw. And well they said he has 80% chance at 17 years old he needs complete jaw reconstruction. They want him seeing an orthadontist NOW. Good to know. On it.
Then we saw Audiology. Interesting. They told me BAHA is not the only hope. What about CROS and BI-CROS..? Ok so more intense research begins. ahhhh.
And I left feeling invigorated and exhausted. Exhausted for knowing the speech battle ahead of us.
So today I spent 1.5 hours at the public school with the head of speech therapy as she spun her plan. 30 minutes a week in one on one therapy OR 120 minutes in a group of cleft affected children. Ok. Nix the 120 minute plan off the top. He has major deafness issues and does NOT thrive in a group and that seems like daycare to me...?? And nix the 30 minutes once a week as well while we are at it. I have to say the therapist was impressed by my passion...at one point I said "I completely get that you are understaffed and underpaid and the rest of it...but look from my side. I'm his mother. I'm his advocate. I am all that will fight for him. 10 years from now it's not going to matter to us that you couldn't provide more care...it's going to matter if my child can speak properly because he got the proper help at age 4. I will fight and if I must, I will pay. But I will NOT settle."
She smiled, looked at me and said "30 minutes twice a week?" I shook my head. It's not worth it. I can blow bubbles with him at home. Seriously. We want intensity.
That was the extent of it.
I called Betsy (his amazing therapist from the past) she gave me some info on how to fight for his rights through the state system.
Azlan~~someday...you will know that you were never ever left to struggle your way through life and sink or swim. I will fight for you. Til the very end.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Spokane update.?
So in true Walker style (a habit this Walker is trying HARD to break) we pulled out of the driveway at 7:00am. Problem? Doctor's office is 2.5 hours drive away and my appointment was 8:30. ah. Ok. So starting at 8:00 I started calling the office like crazy to talk to the doctor and tell them we'd be late but plead to not be turned away. Well no one answered the phone until 8:27. Great. "our phones were down" it's funny that my excuse that our family of 8 overslept a bit did nothing but the fact that their phones were down was a valid excuse. :) Anyway...they were no happy. As it was we said we would be there at 9. They said fine, come anyway. No breakfast, no potty breaks later we pulled in at 8:43. DO NOT ASK HOW FAST WE DROVE. A nice new suburban and I wouldn't have known had I not peaked over Dean's shoulder !! They came out and whisked us right in (I have to admit I hate when I try to courteously call and let them know we'll be 10 minutes late and they make such a big deal out of it...yet I always wait 30-40 min in the waiting room....?) That's the end of my rant :)
So we went right in to audiology. I stayed out of the glass cage and sent Azlan in with one of the audiologists. I could see him and he could see me the whole time. It was like being a fly on the wall, so cute! They start testing his ears and the biggest problem came when in his good ear he was responding to sound at the softest decibel of 40 decibels. Ummm. She looks at me and says "do you KNOW he has perfect hearing in that ear and when did you find out?" I said "yes found out via ABR at 18 months or so" she said "that's too long ago". After pushing and pushing she did get a response twice at 25 decibels. So then we went into another room and talked for 30 minutes or so. We went over the BAHA extensively. We got to see it for the first time.
For those that have asked..."is it a cochlear implant" ok I think I finally have the answer. Much of the confusion comes from Seattle (hello, my life!) and because when he did have his ABR I asked if there is anything we can do anything and they said NO. For a cochlear implant you need a measure of deafness in both ears and must have a working cochlea. I asked again (many time) if there was anything that could help. No was the resounding answer.
Now fast forward to Spokane. The same company that makes the most trusted Cochlear Implants also makes the Baha Implant! The company is called "COCHLEAR". You can see them at Cochlear.com. You can see the 2 devices and when you look at the Baha and it asks "who is a candidate?" you'll see it is most commonly used for people with complete deafness in one ear. So there you go. For Seattle to say "there is nothign that can help" was completely false.Totally. Completely. Wrong information that a little child would have to pay for had we not found out more information.
So here we are. Why the bad news of this visit? Well because this is all being based off the results of a ABR done at 18 months when he is now 4 years old. We need to know the current results of his hearing and I never once thought that his could ear could be deteriorating . :( We still don't know for sure but as a witness AND his mommy...I will say that I could tell when he heard her. He would immediately raise his eyebrow and look for her. Up until that she was calling his name directly into his ear and there was zero response.
Sooo...she said we need to do another ABR. Yes. That has to be in the OR under sedation. I'm not excited about it because he IS 4. It is a simple non invasive procedure but bottom line it requires him to be under sedation for 2 hours. She just said that before we go ahead with an implant in our little boy's skull...we need to know what we are doing. She said "morally, ethically, I can't move forward with these hearing results". So I asked her what will you do if he does have some hearing loss in his good ear and for the first time in 4 years I had a specialist speak my heart. She said "he only has one working ear, Janice. So the approach would be very aggressive to make sure we are giving him the best hearing possible with the best possibility for clear speech. We would do a hearing aide in the working ear. Then if we do go ahead with the Baha still...we may need a bigger one (which she showed me) because it has a stronger motor. We just need to know what we are working with." So everything is delayed and first step is now the ABR.
I cried when she was telling me about possible hearing loss in his good ear. I know exactly, fully, how blessed we are with Azlan. And I know how blessed he is that his medical concerns are all 'workable' so far. How many special friends we have with children that there is NO good news around the corner. There is no little procedure that can drastically help their child. As a friend just said to me..."you have one diagnosis then you get another one that you weren't even considering nor prepared for" so as mild as this is...it makes it MORE severe simply because this is his only method of hearing. He only HAS one ear. We are praying that he DOES indeed have perfect hearing in his left ear despite the tests yesterday. Our question after the ABR will be Dean's question "ok so put him to sleep and put probes on his brain and his brain responds to 15 decibels in his left ear...but why wasn't he HEARING that and responding to it awake? When do we differentiate the two and see the if he can't HEAR that it's not helping him?"
We would love him to have the smaller Baha. Its quite significantly smaller. We can get the Baha device in a blond color which is good news as well, blend it as much as possible. Every review I've ever read has said "the Baha opened my ears to hear what I had been missing my whole life" the audiologist said it is so intense you have to introduce him to it very slowly at like an hour a day. Otherwise he is completely overwhelmed with all the new clarity and for him...never having heard that....it can be frustrating and overwhelming. So awesome!! I cannot wait for my little boy to experience that!
So there you go. All in all a good morning. Then we zipped over to get a CAT scan done where I was quickly reminded I could not go with him (pregnant) so I ran out to the car and got Dean b/c I was not sending him alone. They were literally back out to the car in 5 minutes! Done. So we are waiting for the results of that as well to see if his skull thickness is ready for the implant.
So we went right in to audiology. I stayed out of the glass cage and sent Azlan in with one of the audiologists. I could see him and he could see me the whole time. It was like being a fly on the wall, so cute! They start testing his ears and the biggest problem came when in his good ear he was responding to sound at the softest decibel of 40 decibels. Ummm. She looks at me and says "do you KNOW he has perfect hearing in that ear and when did you find out?" I said "yes found out via ABR at 18 months or so" she said "that's too long ago". After pushing and pushing she did get a response twice at 25 decibels. So then we went into another room and talked for 30 minutes or so. We went over the BAHA extensively. We got to see it for the first time.
For those that have asked..."is it a cochlear implant" ok I think I finally have the answer. Much of the confusion comes from Seattle (hello, my life!) and because when he did have his ABR I asked if there is anything we can do anything and they said NO. For a cochlear implant you need a measure of deafness in both ears and must have a working cochlea. I asked again (many time) if there was anything that could help. No was the resounding answer.
Now fast forward to Spokane. The same company that makes the most trusted Cochlear Implants also makes the Baha Implant! The company is called "COCHLEAR". You can see them at Cochlear.com. You can see the 2 devices and when you look at the Baha and it asks "who is a candidate?" you'll see it is most commonly used for people with complete deafness in one ear. So there you go. For Seattle to say "there is nothign that can help" was completely false.Totally. Completely. Wrong information that a little child would have to pay for had we not found out more information.
So here we are. Why the bad news of this visit? Well because this is all being based off the results of a ABR done at 18 months when he is now 4 years old. We need to know the current results of his hearing and I never once thought that his could ear could be deteriorating . :( We still don't know for sure but as a witness AND his mommy...I will say that I could tell when he heard her. He would immediately raise his eyebrow and look for her. Up until that she was calling his name directly into his ear and there was zero response.
Sooo...she said we need to do another ABR. Yes. That has to be in the OR under sedation. I'm not excited about it because he IS 4. It is a simple non invasive procedure but bottom line it requires him to be under sedation for 2 hours. She just said that before we go ahead with an implant in our little boy's skull...we need to know what we are doing. She said "morally, ethically, I can't move forward with these hearing results". So I asked her what will you do if he does have some hearing loss in his good ear and for the first time in 4 years I had a specialist speak my heart. She said "he only has one working ear, Janice. So the approach would be very aggressive to make sure we are giving him the best hearing possible with the best possibility for clear speech. We would do a hearing aide in the working ear. Then if we do go ahead with the Baha still...we may need a bigger one (which she showed me) because it has a stronger motor. We just need to know what we are working with." So everything is delayed and first step is now the ABR.
I cried when she was telling me about possible hearing loss in his good ear. I know exactly, fully, how blessed we are with Azlan. And I know how blessed he is that his medical concerns are all 'workable' so far. How many special friends we have with children that there is NO good news around the corner. There is no little procedure that can drastically help their child. As a friend just said to me..."you have one diagnosis then you get another one that you weren't even considering nor prepared for" so as mild as this is...it makes it MORE severe simply because this is his only method of hearing. He only HAS one ear. We are praying that he DOES indeed have perfect hearing in his left ear despite the tests yesterday. Our question after the ABR will be Dean's question "ok so put him to sleep and put probes on his brain and his brain responds to 15 decibels in his left ear...but why wasn't he HEARING that and responding to it awake? When do we differentiate the two and see the if he can't HEAR that it's not helping him?"
We would love him to have the smaller Baha. Its quite significantly smaller. We can get the Baha device in a blond color which is good news as well, blend it as much as possible. Every review I've ever read has said "the Baha opened my ears to hear what I had been missing my whole life" the audiologist said it is so intense you have to introduce him to it very slowly at like an hour a day. Otherwise he is completely overwhelmed with all the new clarity and for him...never having heard that....it can be frustrating and overwhelming. So awesome!! I cannot wait for my little boy to experience that!
So there you go. All in all a good morning. Then we zipped over to get a CAT scan done where I was quickly reminded I could not go with him (pregnant) so I ran out to the car and got Dean b/c I was not sending him alone. They were literally back out to the car in 5 minutes! Done. So we are waiting for the results of that as well to see if his skull thickness is ready for the implant.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Spokane. Again.
So early tomorrow morning we all truck back to Spokane for an 8:30am appt with the audiologist to review the BAHA implant procedures then head across town to get a CAT scan of Azlan's head to give us the final green light that we are clear to go.
I will stay and do business in Spokane 7pm tomorrow night so it'll be a full day of finding something to do there! :)
I will stay and do business in Spokane 7pm tomorrow night so it'll be a full day of finding something to do there! :)
Monday, September 13, 2010
4 years today.
The most magical day in my life. That's saying something ... because I've had quite a few! Azlan Honor...that day was pure magic. As I watched the doctor's face as he saw your sweet face before I did...I knew we were right. You had a severe cleft. I never batted an eye. You were Heaven sent. You were mine. I have never held a gooey baby so tight before. Azlan ... someday you will grow up and read your story. One thing you will know for sure...you could not have been given to a family that would adore you more. I could stare at you forever. Not wincing. No. It was because you were so perfect. Your skin was amazing. Your eyes! You had triple expression in your eyes. Your mouth. The most beautiful mouth I had ever seen. In my lifetime. Azlan Honor. Oh and I LOVED (and LOVE) your name. I was so excited to finally be able to share your name with the world!!
And so your journey began.
Azlan. Today you are four years old. Sometimes I think I wish I could go back and do it over. But yet not. Not because I really never missed a moment. I savored every one. I would only wish to do it over to enjoy every stage of you all over again.
Someday you will know the gift you were to you Mommy. You changed me. You changed not only my view of 'normal', you changed my view of 'perfect'. You became the definition of "perfect" to me. I dreaded the day your face would be changed from the first moment I saw you.
Today is about You. We are celebrating You today. The gift you are to me. To Daddy. To our whole family.
Trains and Orange and all things Azlan will define today. I adore you. There is no word big enough.
September 13. It's your day today.
I. Love. You. My Azlan Honor.
Happy Birthday, my boy.
And so your journey began.
Azlan. Today you are four years old. Sometimes I think I wish I could go back and do it over. But yet not. Not because I really never missed a moment. I savored every one. I would only wish to do it over to enjoy every stage of you all over again.
Someday you will know the gift you were to you Mommy. You changed me. You changed not only my view of 'normal', you changed my view of 'perfect'. You became the definition of "perfect" to me. I dreaded the day your face would be changed from the first moment I saw you.
Today is about You. We are celebrating You today. The gift you are to me. To Daddy. To our whole family.
Trains and Orange and all things Azlan will define today. I adore you. There is no word big enough.
September 13. It's your day today.
I. Love. You. My Azlan Honor.
Happy Birthday, my boy.
Friday, September 03, 2010
My boy. Always my boy.
Azlan. Ahh I may not have been blogging about him...but life with him has not slowed down. We now have 6 young children as we've adopted twins from Africa just in April. I thank God often that Azlan has this gigantic piece of my heart all to him. No I don't love him more...did that thought really just come to mind? No...but I have a very very soft heart for him. When you've walked a special journey with your child...the bond is triple knotted. I'm in this with you all the way.
Today we headed back to Spokane and saw Dr. Omar Husein again. His now plastic surgeon and ear reconstruction specialist. Basically...the guys is a total brain and a very highly qualified one.
When Dr. Husein came in he asked if I "still have 4 little kids?" I'm not sure the intent of his question but I'm PRETTY SURE it is more that he thinks I'm crazy and not that I've since sold one off! :) He yelped when I said "yah we actually now have 6" I thought he was going to walk out on me :) He was like "you...you...are the craziest person I know". He was touched at the story of the twins being adopted and then I paused and said...don't be alarmed if in a few years I come back to you with a newborn with a cleft lip and palate. He raised his eyebrows..ahh the dream has not died.
He took a good look at Azlan and it started with a simple look in his ears that opened up a very emotional discussion for me. The tubes. See I chose to put tubes into his ears...yah...they were pushy on that in Seattle but I didn't let anyone tell us what to do. BUT we were told that they were temporary tubes. They would fall out after 10 months give or take. See the reason I was torn is our child was a rare cause of preventative measures being consistent and WORKING in avoiding ear infections in a child with a severe cleft palate. He had no ear infections. Of course they kept saying "but he will" I don't buy it. Regardless we opted for temporary tubes b/c he was having surgery done anyway and due to large open palate did always have a build up of fluid behind his ear drums. Seattle marvelled everytime we went back and they saw "wow the tubes are still in". Well...guess what. They put PERMANENT tubes in Azlan's ears. Yes add this to my fine growing list of mega errors performed by Seattle Children's on our behalf. Ok that is a big deal and it was NEVER discussed (on the contrary we were told every time , "they will fall out any day now!")...and it is a big deal. It would hinder Azlan from participation in much water activities etc. Good to know...right? Especially three years later!! Dr. Husein said he would re-place temp tubes 7-10 times before he'd ever consider the perm. tubes. You are only seeing the surface of my emotions on this. I was trying not to cry in his office. The lesson continues to be taught "you are in control of your healthcare!!" stand up and make sure you are in the 'know'.
So we discussed removing the perm. tubes. Yes that is what we wish to do and the Doc had nothing but pro's in doing so. Of course if we didn't have a surgery coming up...we'd have to schedule a surgery just for this event which would not be my preference.
So here's the plan:
first We will consult with an audiologist in his office and get a C.A.T scan done to check skull shape (oh no, Azlan!) and bone density to see if his skull is ready for the BAHA implant.
Then providing all goes well we will schedule surgery for part A. They will implant the device into the skull on his right (deaf) side. He will then put the surface layer of skin overtop of the device and stitch it up. Next plan is to remove the ear tags on his right ear. Next is to go in and remove permanent T-Tubes in his ears and try to fill the large hold in his eardrum (thanks for playing with our child's ears when he only has ONE that functions!). He said the surgery will be a day surgery and 2 to 2.5 hours.
Yes we have been through surgery before...some pretty life changing ones. This one...is with our 4 year old child that is not that excited to be around doctors and well...I went to bed praying last night that when it does happen they will either sedate him in my arms or let me be in the O.R until he is sedated. Fear is a real concern for me at his age and with what he has been through and I want to do everything we can to make sure he feels nothing less that completely safe and secure.
Plan B is that 3-6 months after surgery we will do part b of the Baha implant surgery and actually open the skin up and attach the remainder of the BAHA. it is not until THEN that we will have the benefits of the implant.
I talked again to Dr. Husein about sweet Baby Ezzah and the latest report on her little ears. He looked saddened by the news and said he hopes they do hearing aides etc ASAP so she loses no ground. We love you baby Ezzah!!
For those of you that nominated us, we are honored to be awarded the 2010 Top 30 Cleft Lip and Palate Blog Award! As soon as I find out how to post the award, I will!
Thanks for following our journey.
Today we headed back to Spokane and saw Dr. Omar Husein again. His now plastic surgeon and ear reconstruction specialist. Basically...the guys is a total brain and a very highly qualified one.
When Dr. Husein came in he asked if I "still have 4 little kids?" I'm not sure the intent of his question but I'm PRETTY SURE it is more that he thinks I'm crazy and not that I've since sold one off! :) He yelped when I said "yah we actually now have 6" I thought he was going to walk out on me :) He was like "you...you...are the craziest person I know". He was touched at the story of the twins being adopted and then I paused and said...don't be alarmed if in a few years I come back to you with a newborn with a cleft lip and palate. He raised his eyebrows..ahh the dream has not died.
He took a good look at Azlan and it started with a simple look in his ears that opened up a very emotional discussion for me. The tubes. See I chose to put tubes into his ears...yah...they were pushy on that in Seattle but I didn't let anyone tell us what to do. BUT we were told that they were temporary tubes. They would fall out after 10 months give or take. See the reason I was torn is our child was a rare cause of preventative measures being consistent and WORKING in avoiding ear infections in a child with a severe cleft palate. He had no ear infections. Of course they kept saying "but he will" I don't buy it. Regardless we opted for temporary tubes b/c he was having surgery done anyway and due to large open palate did always have a build up of fluid behind his ear drums. Seattle marvelled everytime we went back and they saw "wow the tubes are still in". Well...guess what. They put PERMANENT tubes in Azlan's ears. Yes add this to my fine growing list of mega errors performed by Seattle Children's on our behalf. Ok that is a big deal and it was NEVER discussed (on the contrary we were told every time , "they will fall out any day now!")...and it is a big deal. It would hinder Azlan from participation in much water activities etc. Good to know...right? Especially three years later!! Dr. Husein said he would re-place temp tubes 7-10 times before he'd ever consider the perm. tubes. You are only seeing the surface of my emotions on this. I was trying not to cry in his office. The lesson continues to be taught "you are in control of your healthcare!!" stand up and make sure you are in the 'know'.
So we discussed removing the perm. tubes. Yes that is what we wish to do and the Doc had nothing but pro's in doing so. Of course if we didn't have a surgery coming up...we'd have to schedule a surgery just for this event which would not be my preference.
So here's the plan:
first We will consult with an audiologist in his office and get a C.A.T scan done to check skull shape (oh no, Azlan!) and bone density to see if his skull is ready for the BAHA implant.
Then providing all goes well we will schedule surgery for part A. They will implant the device into the skull on his right (deaf) side. He will then put the surface layer of skin overtop of the device and stitch it up. Next plan is to remove the ear tags on his right ear. Next is to go in and remove permanent T-Tubes in his ears and try to fill the large hold in his eardrum (thanks for playing with our child's ears when he only has ONE that functions!). He said the surgery will be a day surgery and 2 to 2.5 hours.
Yes we have been through surgery before...some pretty life changing ones. This one...is with our 4 year old child that is not that excited to be around doctors and well...I went to bed praying last night that when it does happen they will either sedate him in my arms or let me be in the O.R until he is sedated. Fear is a real concern for me at his age and with what he has been through and I want to do everything we can to make sure he feels nothing less that completely safe and secure.
Plan B is that 3-6 months after surgery we will do part b of the Baha implant surgery and actually open the skin up and attach the remainder of the BAHA. it is not until THEN that we will have the benefits of the implant.
I talked again to Dr. Husein about sweet Baby Ezzah and the latest report on her little ears. He looked saddened by the news and said he hopes they do hearing aides etc ASAP so she loses no ground. We love you baby Ezzah!!
For those of you that nominated us, we are honored to be awarded the 2010 Top 30 Cleft Lip and Palate Blog Award! As soon as I find out how to post the award, I will!
Thanks for following our journey.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Updates.
So we had a pretty cool thing happen to us a few wks ago. A lady at church was talking to me about the twins we adopted and we just chatted for a while. Then she walked away. She came back a few minutes later with her mom and asked me about Azlan. She said she could help me. I was a little stunned. She went on to say that she could tell his diagnosis and named it !!! (only took Children's 2 years to figure it out~!) and said she specializes in deafness, clefts and is a speech pathologist going for her masters. Ok. SeriousLY? She asked if I would like 2 free sessions a week all summer with her. Ummm..YES!!!!
This morning Azlan was laying in our bed and he said "mama...I really like you" he's very into Mama lately. I said "Why?" he thought for a long time and said "because you like me" :) Glad he knows it.
This morning Azlan was laying in our bed and he said "mama...I really like you" he's very into Mama lately. I said "Why?" he thought for a long time and said "because you like me" :) Glad he knows it.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Azlan-isms
He is so funny. His speech therapist loves him and she's constantly telling me that people who can't understand him are really missing out b/c his sense of humor is quite advanced. Funny.
A couple conversations with Azlan lately:
Mama: Azlan what do you love more than anything else?
Azlan: hmmmmm...poo poo.
Mama: Azlan that's kinda yucky.
Azlan: mama....I didn't say I was going to eat it! (while laughing at me shuddering).
Mama: What are you going to do with it?
Azlan: Throw it in the garbage silly.
:)
Mama: Azlan do you know how much I love you? Like how much does Mama love you?
Azlan: lots and lots.
Mama: Yah. I do.
Azlan: Mama? I like you.
:)
He's now completely potty trained...though a bit of a struggle for him. He melts me everytime I see that sweet face. He adores all his siblings but ZION??? He LOVES Zion. He constantly wants to hold Zion's hand, be with Zion, do everything with Zion. If I ask if he loves Tirzah he says "yes but I love Zion too" :) Which is pretty awesome seeing everyone thought they'd be rivals since they are only 14 mths apart. Zion is very patient with him too and always has been his best translator!!
Today in Target I bought 2 pretzels to share and I gave a piece to someone else first...he thought I was saying he couldn't have any. The tears started. I motioned with my hand the sign in our family for 'stop now' (whatever you are doing...it just means stop). He put his hand over his face...took a deep breath after the first sob and said "but mama...the crying won't go away!" :) it was cute. Took one more sob and was done. His forehead still turns into spots when he cries and you know what?? That melts me too. Everything that is special about him reminds me what a total gift he was and is and all the life lessons God taught me through Azlan.
His personality is contagious. He is sunshine. He is mine.
A couple conversations with Azlan lately:
Mama: Azlan what do you love more than anything else?
Azlan: hmmmmm...poo poo.
Mama: Azlan that's kinda yucky.
Azlan: mama....I didn't say I was going to eat it! (while laughing at me shuddering).
Mama: What are you going to do with it?
Azlan: Throw it in the garbage silly.
:)
Mama: Azlan do you know how much I love you? Like how much does Mama love you?
Azlan: lots and lots.
Mama: Yah. I do.
Azlan: Mama? I like you.
:)
He's now completely potty trained...though a bit of a struggle for him. He melts me everytime I see that sweet face. He adores all his siblings but ZION??? He LOVES Zion. He constantly wants to hold Zion's hand, be with Zion, do everything with Zion. If I ask if he loves Tirzah he says "yes but I love Zion too" :) Which is pretty awesome seeing everyone thought they'd be rivals since they are only 14 mths apart. Zion is very patient with him too and always has been his best translator!!
Today in Target I bought 2 pretzels to share and I gave a piece to someone else first...he thought I was saying he couldn't have any. The tears started. I motioned with my hand the sign in our family for 'stop now' (whatever you are doing...it just means stop). He put his hand over his face...took a deep breath after the first sob and said "but mama...the crying won't go away!" :) it was cute. Took one more sob and was done. His forehead still turns into spots when he cries and you know what?? That melts me too. Everything that is special about him reminds me what a total gift he was and is and all the life lessons God taught me through Azlan.
His personality is contagious. He is sunshine. He is mine.
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