I feel so much guilt everytime I look at Azlan and tell him how beautiful he is. I almost feel like I'm loving someone else. Falling for a new face. In that...falling for a new little boy. I keep going back to that image burned into my memory of him smiling up at me so wide ... and reminding myself its the same little boy...and this is how he will look for the rest of his life. That chapter of his life was only temporary...was only meant to be temporary. I see 'him' in his eyes...but the smile is just so different...I keep shaking my head and saying 'its just so hard to believe this is YOU'.
I want to love his look yet I feel guilty for doing so...I don't ever want him to feel more loved now...b/c nothing could be further from the truth.
... aaahhh...life is good. Its very good. We are very blessed. God gave us a wonderful surgeon that did a phenomenol work of art on what God started...
He's beautiful.
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Wow Janice, you express your mothers heart SO well. I haven't gone through the things you have, but through your words, I can understand. He is beautiful ... he was beautiful. He'll have a wonderful story to tell.
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