Such a heavy heart

For someone that I've never met yet feel we have a bond through Azlan. Nichole, Noah's mommy...this song is for you. I'm not a "in the car singer" but today while driving around with the kids doing errands I sang this at the top of my lungs, with all my heart, while pausing to cry in between....for you.



I am sinking in the river that is raging
I am drowning
Will I ever, rise to breathe again
I wanna know why
I just wanna understand
Will I ever know why?
How could this be from Your hand?

/Chorus/
When every little thing that I dream of being just slips away like water through my hands
And when it seems the walls from my beliefs come crashing down like they’re all made of sand
I won’t, let go of You now
because I know, oh, You’re not shaken

I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear
All the questions with no answers
So grip me while I’m here
And I may never know why
Oh I may not understand
But I will lift up my eyes,
and trust this is Your plan

/Chorus/

I know You’re in the valley
of the shadow of death

You’re not shaken
You’re now shaken

My heart is so heavy for you and your family. I wonder why does God choose certain families to go through such pain. But then I look at your family and see all the good that came of your journey and I know you'd never change a thing. The lump in my throat does not seem to go away since Noah passed away--and everytime I look at Azlan and see that cleft smile my mind goes to Heaven...

I'm praying for you. I soo wish we had gotten the opportunity to meet Noah this side of Heaven.

XOXOX
Janice